Realizations

I am not sure if I have mentioned this, but when I moved out from the apartment that my ex and I shared I couldn't afford to move anywhere else so I moved into the vacant unit right next door.  Not what I should have done but what am I going to do now, I still can't afford to move anywhere else.  Anyway, the other night I had a mutual friend of me and my ex come to my door at 1:30am drunk, like vomit all over his shirt drunk.  He only came to my door because he knew that my exes new girlfriend was over and he didn't want to impose on them.  So I told him to go take a shower (becasue he had puked all over himself) and then when he went into the bathroom I went and knocked on my exes door and told him what was going on and he came over (much to his girlfriends distaste) and helped me deal with it.  And we ended up calling 911 because he was just getting worse, he had lost all control of bodily functions all over my bathroom and I honestly thought he was going to die right there on my bathroom floor!!

Anyway, that was a few weeks ago and he got out of the hospital and was going to stay with my ex for a bit while he was doing some sort of rehab but 3 days of living with my ex and his new girlfriend and he was about ready to beat the shit out of her!  She was trying to boss him around and treating him like shit and my ex never stood up for him and he let her treat him like that!!  And she doesn't even live there, I mean, she has moved herself right in, but her name is not on the lease!!  And she was trying to get him to talk shit about me when my ex wasn't home and they were both telling him how crazy I was and that they were going to get a restraining order against me just to force me to move.  :-(  I have done nothing to this bitch, I haven't even met her, have not said one word to her!  she tried to run me down while I was taking the trash out because I glared at her!  wtf!?

Anyway, my friend and my ex got into a huge fight tonight and he came over and we talked for a couple hours.  We bitched about my exes new girlfriend and he was telling all about how she treats him like shit, like worse than I ever treated him.  And how she is the crazy one and is mean hearted.  I honestly don't know why he would have left me for her.

But my friend is right, I need to really let my ex go and just not have any contact with him at all (its not like we actually see each other even though we live right next to each other).  He was saying how he thinks my ex is getting some sort of satisfaction knowing that if things went bad with his new girlfriend right now, or any time in the near future, that he could come crawling back to me and I would take him back and he wouldn't have to be alone.  And its true and it needs to not be true...I need to sever all ties to him, as hard as that will be for me, I am not a safety net for him.  He jumped from one serious relationship to another one before the old one was even done with, and me, I am on my own, my situation has drastically changed and I need to embrace it, I need to truly move on, I have come to realize that as long as this other woman is in the picture, my ex and I can't be friends.  And it hurts me so much that he is choosing this horrible person that treats him far worse than I ever treated him, over a friendship with me.